Freedomeer logo

145 Funny Facebook quotes that will boost your likes!

We’ve all heard the saying content is king. And it’s true to the extent that even social media pages only get traction when they’re posting content nowadays.

No content or a stagnant page, and followers quickly lose interest. 

So, how do you keep them engaged when they can easily scroll past your posts? 

While informative content is a good way to go, people love coming across entertaining content every now and then.

Instead of looking around and searching for hours, why not start this journey with funny Facebook quotes that will immediately get attention. 

Of course, you can use these quotes for any other social media channel, like Instagram or Tiktok.

The best way to use this quotes is to focus on your audience. Who they are and what are they interesting. But the secret goal of engaging quote-posts lays in the “hitting the bulls-eye”.

Ones you achieve to post something that that makes them laugh, you’ll earn a big amount of likes.

Funny quotes about relationships

Relationship quotes are the best engaging. There is just so much to talk about in this topic, and mainly because many of us simply know the situations mentioned in these quotes.

1. Marry the person who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.

2. My husband and I were so happy for 20 years, and then we met each other.

3. Before marriage, my husband said he would lay down his life for me. Now, he won’t even lay down his newspaper while I talk to him.

5. My girlfriend told me she was seeing another person. I don’t know whether it was sleep deprivation or dizziness, but I told her to rub her eyes. 

6. Do not make love by the front gate. Love is blind, but your neighbors aren’t.

7. I love you more than my morning cup of coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.

8. Every day, I fall in love with my husband more and more. Except for yesterday. Yesterday, he was pretty annoying.

9. What’s more adorable than a baby panda snuggling a puppy? The love I have for my wife.

10. Apart from taking care of her and loving her, a boyfriend’s job is to protect his girlfriend from her desire to get bangs every other month.

11. Before you marry your significant other, make them use a computer with slow internet first to check who they really are.

12. Single people, please stop looking for love; otherwise, you’ll end up married.

13. Having to share a room with your wife is absolute madness. Even the kids get a room of their own. 

14. I always thought my wife would never be one of those people to get up early and go to the gym. I was right.

15. Once, I read a quote on Facebook that went, “if your wife is mad, throw a cape around her and say “now you’re super mad”. I did. Now I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

16. My husband thinks I’m a great listener. Oh, honey, I’m just not interested in any of your office politics or flop business ideas. 

17. After years of struggling, I have finally found a way to change my wife’s mind. I just agree with whatever she says.

18. My girlfriend and I are almost married. We even behave like a married couple. We never talk, and we’ve stopped having sex.

19. Whoever thought, “you are your harshest critic,” was definitely single at that time.

20. I married a man of my age. As my beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

21. The difference between being married and being in prison is that in prison, the guards let you play basketball on the weekends.

22. I absolutely love being married. It is so much fun. I get to have one special man that I can annoy for the rest of my life.

23. Love is blind. Marriage is the eye opener.

24. Stop asking how I’m still single. Have I ever asked how you’re still married?

25. I told my husband that I was seeing a psychiatrist. He replied that he was also seeing a psychiatrist. And a nurse. And 2 of our kid’s teachers. 

Funny quotes about men

26. Yeah, drinking alcohol is cool, but have you ever had a man who gave you an orgasm during sex? Me neither; pass me the bottle.

27. In life, there are easier things than finding the perfect man, like nailing jelly to a tree, for instance.

28. Think of men like a deck of cards. Although you might find a rare king, most of them are jacks.

29. I’m at that point in my life where I have come to the conclusion that men are like pumpkins. All the nicer ones are either taken or have had everything scraped out of their heads.

30. Men are similar to bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they are unable to generate a lot of interest.

31. The quickest way to a man’s heart is through an incision in his chest.

32. A woman may only be listening to a man’s problems half-heartedly, but the man will be planning a wedding with her in his head already.

33. A mother spends 20 years to try and turn her son into a man. The moment he does, he is turned into a fool by another woman within 20 minutes.

34. A gentleman? More like a patient wolf.

35. The first time I bought a house, I thought about how pretty it was and signed the cheque. The next time, I checked if the basement had any termites. It’s the same with men.

36. You will seldom find good advice in a men’s magazine. Unlike women, they do not want to learn. All of them think, “we know what we are doing. Just show us someone naked.”

37. Sometimes, it gets really challenging for me to understand men. They’re never interested in what is on TV. They only want to know what else is on TV.

38. Men and BlueTooth connections are so similar. When you are close to them, they stay connected. The moment you’re out of range, they start searching for new devices.

39. When God created women, He promised them that he would make it easy for them to find the ideal, perfect man in every corner of the world. Then, He turned the world into a globe.

40. It’s easier for a woman to train a monkey to fly a jet than to train a man to be humble.

41. While outside the mall, I realized that men also like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken, and only the handicapped ones are left available.

Funny quotes about women

42. Call me old-school, but I’d rather have a woman who has eyebrows made out of natural hair.

43. I desire to be touched by someone the way women touch shoes they can’t afford.

44. If a woman says, “I am not mad at you”, remember, the dentist also says, “this won’t hurt you”.

45. Women can boldly boast that their mind is cleaner than men’s minds. It has to be, considering how often they change it.

46. Men socialize by insulting each other, but while doing so, they rarely mean it. Women socialize by complimenting each other, but while doing so, they rarely mean it.

47. If I had the choice, I’d happily become a woman. Then, I’d be able to cry in public, wear cute clothes, and be rescued from a sinking ship first.

48. Women, in general, need 3 basic things for survival: food, water, and compliments.

49. If you’re a religious man, you already know that God is indeed the best creator. He created a loudspeaker from the rib of a man.

50. Women always boast that they give men solace. Although that is 100 percent true, they also ignore that men would never need solace if there were no women.

51. Nothing you say will change my opinion about the fact that all women suffer from a severe ailment; the Attention-To-Their-Appearance-Deficit disorder. 

52. After reading numerous magazines and journals, I have found that women find two topics particularly interesting. The first is, “Why are all men disgusting pigs,” and the second is, “How to attract men.” 

53. The men who think women prefer humor over muscles are so dumb. Have you ever heard a woman say, “I wish Brad Pitt would just put on his shirt back and tell me a joke”?

54. Men and women agree on one issue, at the very least. Both genders distrust women.

55. Women are so simple and easy to understand. Think of them as a Sudoku-Jenga-Jigsaw puzzle surrounded by Rubix cubes and taped to a terrorist who is shouting at you in a foreign language.

56. Women never cease to amaze me. They pour hot wax all over their bodies, let it dry, and then rip out every single hair, but they’ll always be scared of spiders.

57. When someone steals your wife, the best revenge is to let him keep her.

Funny quotes about parents

58. Don’t know something? Google it. Don’t know someone? Facebook them. Don’t know where something is? Ask mom.

59. I was sitting in my room once and wondering why I act crazy sometimes. Then, my mom walked in, and I realized why.

60. I never understood what the word “irony” meant. Then, my dad screamed, “STOP SCREAMING”. Now, I’ll never forget what irony means.

61. As a mom, I think taking a shower is nothing short of an Olympic sport. My fans call my name continuously, and I’m being pressured to finish in record time.

62. It only dawns on you that you have become a parent when your entire personal life exists between the time your kid goes down and you go to sleep.

63. Among the many things you learn after being a mom, one of the most important is mastering the art of sleeping on the edge of the bed.

64. Being a mom is so confusing sometimes. You crave me time, but as soon as you get it, you start missing kids. 

65. I’m confused when people ask me what my hobbies are. Do I lie and tell them nothing much, or do I tell them the truth that I enjoy my trips to the washroom alone and in silence?

66. Sometimes, I wonder what’s the most exhausting thing about being a parent; the part where I have to get up early or the part where I have to pretend I know what I’m doing.

67. Being a parent is cool. It reminds me of my fraternity days. Everything is broken, no one sleeps, and there is a lot of throwing up going around.

68. When your kids become a teen, it’s crucial to have a dog in the house. That way, someone in the house is happy to see you come home from the office. 

69. I think all parents should be nice to their kids, even when the kids screw up. After all, your kids will decide which retirement home you’ll spend your life in after you get old.

70. For a parent, the only thing harder than being glued to your kids all day are the days when you’re not glued to them.

71. As a mom, I have to constantly whisper to myself, “You’re going to miss this someday,” while I get shot in the butt with a nerf gun as I’m unclogging the toilet in order to stay sane.

72. Our kids will never understand their nap time is not for them but for us.

73. You can never be a parent without having your children hate you from their core at some point in their lives.

Funny quotes about friends

74. My best friend is so lucky. I will always be there for him and pick him up when he falls. Only after I’m done laughing.

75. If the situation arises, I will take a bullet for my friend. Not in the head, of course. But like in the arm or something.

76. You have real friends who smile and say something even more offensive when you insult them.

77. There is nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend who pays for your food.

78. The type of bond you have with the friend who you have puked with is unparalleled. 

79. Only a good friend will realize that even though you are a bit cracked, you are a good egg. 

80. If you’re ever in jail, only a good friend would be making strategies and tactics on how to bail you out. Your best friend will be in the cell next to you, laughing, “Damn, that was so fun!”

81. I have the most genuine friends. They are there when I’m feeling low and are not afraid to kick me.

82. Every man should have a big cemetery in which he can bury the faults of his friends.

83. You may think of me as someone who’s impious when I say that I can’t commit myself to heaven or hell. I have friends in both places.

84. Psychiatry? Oh, hell no! I’d rather have friends to be silly with.

85. Every great friendship has that “when I first met you, I thought of you as a bugger.”

86. Friendship gives you the privilege of talking nonsense about them while having their nonsense respected.

87. Good friends make you smile. Best friends make you laugh so hard that you’re clutching your stomach and gasping for air.

88. It is not that easy to be friends with someone who uses long, complex words. Personally, I’d rather be friends with someone who uses shorter, easier words, like, “What about lunch?”

89. Only true friends can fiercely debate on a serious topic and, after the discussion, still walk away as friends.

90. A good friend will find time in their busy schedule for you. A best friend won’t have to consult their schedule for you. 

91. Love is blind. Friendship closes its eyes.

92. Friends are the siblings that our parents never gave us.

93. The capacity of friendships is God’s way of apologizing for our families.

94. Friends should be like books. Few, but hand-selected.

95. Never leave your best friends alone for long. Keep disturbing them every now and then.

96. A best friend will have the guts to beat you up. But once they’re done, they’ll plead you to beat them back.

97. My friends and I are so crazy. Surprisingly, that’s the only thing that keeps us sane.

98. True friends never judge each other. They judge other people together.

99. When the whole world walks out, expect your best friend to walk in. Sometimes even with a phone in their hands when you’re in the toilet.

Funny quotes about children

100. Can’t find your kids? Turn off the wifi, and they’ll appear suddenly.

101. Having a child is almost similar to getting a tattoo on the face. You better be ready and stay committed.

102. People who say they sleep like a baby have not experienced having a baby yet.

103. Having children is like continuously cleaning up after some party that you didn’t even attend.

104. A kid is capable of changing the dinner party conversation from politics and business to poop and diapers.

105. Your kids can teach you some of the most amazing things about yourselves. For instance, how much patience you have.

106. Even the bravest and strongest children are scared of doing their math homework with their dads at the kitchen table. 

107. I get so confused when my parents stop me from playing shooting games because they’re so violent, but they play board games that are based on questions like “Who murdered Colonel Mustard with a pipe?” with me.

108. If you have a child, you’re a parent. If you have 2 children, you’re a referee. 

109. The quickest way that a parent can get their kid’s attention is by sitting down and looking comfortable.

110. I always dreamt of having iced coffee every day. After having kids, my dream finally came true. I make coffee, forget I made it, and then drink it cold.

111. Not all who wander are lost. Some are just exhausted mothers hiding from their children in a supermarket.

112. The easiest and most convenient way to shop with children is not to.

113. Cleaning a house with small children living in it is like shoveling the sidewalk while it’s still snowing.

114. Everyone faces a moment when their courage is tested. For parents, it’s while taking their children into a house with white carpets.

115. A curious child is the best way to understand and bolster your beliefs.

116. Kids have a knack for wearing out things, whether it’s shoes, clothes, or parents.

117. As a parent, I’ll never understand how kids instantaneously learn how to drive but never learn how to use the lawnmower, vacuum cleaner, or snowblower.

Funny quotes about Facebook

118. When my daughter came home today, I asked her how school was. She replied, “You can read all about it on my Facebook, Dad.”

119. I got a text message saying, “Sir, your account has been hacked.” Terrified, I replied, “Which account? Facebook?” I got a reply, “No sir, your bank account.” “Oh, thank God,” I exclaimed. I had never felt more relieved.

120. I was thinking of a creative name for my Facebook account, and finally decided to go with “benefits”. Now, after you add me, it says, “You’re friends with benefits.”

121. A long time ago, I used to have a decent enough life. Then, someone told me to make a Facebook account.

122. If I’m not active on Facebook for more than 2 days, call the police.

123. If Facebook continues to ask me what’s on my mind, I’m really going to post your name.

124. Relationships these days start by “… liked your photo”.

125. The most entertaining part of my life is confusing kids by telling them I’m older than Facebook.

126. Roses are red, Facebook is blue. No mutual friends. I’m confused, who are you?

127. If Facebook has taught us anything, it’s that 90% of its users aren’t ready for a Spelling Bee competition.

128. I’m not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time. Breakfast time. Lunch time. Off time. This time. That time. Any time. All the time.

Funny quotes about work

129. If you have to choose between a lazy person and a hard-working person to do a difficult task, choose the lazy person. He will come up with the easiest way to do it.

130. I don’t understand why people don’t like their work. I find it so fascinating that I sit there the entire day and just look at it. 

131. The brain is such a fantastic organ. It starts working right after I wake up and does not stop until I reach the office.

132. If you think your boss is stupid, you’re absolutely right. You wouldn’t have a job if he were any wiser. 

133. The best way to be thankful for your job is to imagine yourself without one.

134. I sometimes wonder if maybe we’re being overworked. I mean, we can’t eat, drink, or make love for eight hours, but we sure do work for eight hours. Then, my boss barges into my office and asks me to get a task that should take 2 hours done in 15 minutes.

135. Most people find the quote, “hard work is the key to success,” very motivating. Personally, I’d rather pick the lock.

136. I always give my 100% at work. 5% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 22% on Thursday, and 10% on Friday. 

137. If you reach the office a bit late due to traffic, here’s a tip to beat the 8 o’clock rush. Leave at noon.

138. The way I spend most of my office meetings is by wondering how they got the meeting table through the door.

139. I am always willing to do an honest day’s work. But, somehow, I’m at fault when I ask for a week’s pay for it. 

140. “Pride, commitment, and teamwork.” These are the words they use to make you work for free.

141. My boss asked me to start my presentations with a joke. The first slide of my next presentation was my paycheck. Now I’m fired.

142. Many graduates nowadays have an M.D., B.A., Ph.D., or M.B.A. Unfortunately, most of them don’t have a J.O.B.

143. I’m glad my boss believes in “nothing is impossible.” Otherwise, he would’ve known that I do nothing at the office every day.

144. The only thing that helps me sleep soundly at night is my motivation skills. Because of me, my team has to work a lot harder.

145. Every Christmas, the Christmas lights remind me of my office team. Half of them never work, and the other half aren’t that bright as well.

Conclusion

The trick to keeping your Facebook’s, or any social media platforms, engagement is to post consistently. These funny quotes for Facebook can help you get set on the right track. Not to mention, they’ll make the user spend a few second on your post and certainly gain the engagement you’re targeting.  

Featured Image - Funny Facebook Quotes

Recent Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

We love transparency! Some links might be affiliate links. When you purchase via links on our site, we may earn a commission. All recommendations are objective and based on our personal experience. Read more

Ubblu Ad
*AD
Get instant answers from any blog post.
ubblu colab.
Unleash the potential of online resources: :
Save time when reading documents and blog posts.
Uncover Opportunities with Ubblu.

*AD